The aspirations of millennial women have long been admired from their daughter-power childhood to their doctorate. Women are now the backbone of the workforce: In 2018, 74 men graduated with bachelor’s degrees.
Degree for every 100 women. About 64% of women are now earning or equal to their family income. And that’s no surprise: they’ve grown up saying that women can do anything and anything can happen.
Until they are mothers.
At the moment, many of their customers apparently expect them to turn into June Cleaver, “leave it to Beaver.” Lara Baselin’s new book, Ambitious Like a Mother, shows how working mothers are given the responsibility of the “second shift” – that is, all the housework and family work that takes place after the day’s work is over.
Even in families where partners initially shared tasks equally, child care ultimately fell into the hands of mothers. Seventy-five percent of mothers take care of appointments such as child checkups. Sick children are four times more likely to take time off work from their partners to care for them – a statistic that became very clear during the Kovid epidemic. Even in normal times, women spend about two hours a day doing housework more than their peers. Professor of Economics Francine D. Blau and Lawrence M. A 2013 research paper by Kan emphasized that “modern men do not adjust their time to housework based on their wife’s employment status.”
In other words, spending long hours in the office does not mean that your husband will accept and wash the bottles. Women are tired and many of their partners do not help them. A mother in Basel’s book explained that although she earned more than her husband, she was “responsible for everything from school work, to doctor’s appointments.” [my child’s] Plan IEP. . . My husband did not try to understand her.
“Professional working mothers who find themselves with partners who are not willing to change attitudes and have a tough choice to allocate time and resources,” Basellon writes. “Strictly compromise who they are and what they want to stay in the marriage, or leave.”
Many women opt for the latter; According to a 2015 survey by the American Sociological Association, 69% of women initiate divorce, and 90% of college-educated women.
Brigen Jane, for whose book Baselin was interviewed, initially tried to convince herself that she was “OK with the traditional gender role.” However, he found that his contributions at home were never fully valued. Her husband gave people the idea that she was “his spoiled wife.” He got divorced, started moving houses and became an HGTV host who helped rebuild homes for needy families. Her children could not be more enthusiastic about her work. Another woman, Bajelon, first saw the problem when her fianc told her that if she wanted to have children, she would have to “reduce her ambitions”.
He stopped the engagement instead. Bazelon himself experienced this choice. In addition to being a writer, he is also a lawyer. After their children were born, her own husband hoped she would “stop chasing bigger and harder projects so I could attend more.” She was confident that her children would understand her need for a fulfilling job and would benefit from knowing that “the mother is making the world a better place.” He had a good point. Studies show that children of working mothers adapt well and have no behavioral problems compared to their peers.
Her husband, however, did not understand. The couple divorced – this is by no means an easy solution, but divorced working mothers say they are happier.
In the case of Baseline, she found that sharing her child custody “creates a safe time slot where I can be productive” and focuses on my work with less confusion and knowing full well that childcare responsibilities are really evenly distributed.
In 2022, for the betterment of the family, husbands may have to start supporting their wives’ careers as wives have been supporting their husbands for generations. Women will not back down. If men want relationships to survive, they need to move forward into the 21st century.