Positive education: How to tell your kids not to be positive

Learning is how to set boundaries for your child. A mandatory passage is sometimes difficult for young and old to survive because it requires relentless repeating of the same rules and setting of restrictions. In recent years, positive education has emerged more and more in France, especially thanks to the various works published on the subject. She can help her child say no in a caring way.

What is positive education?

Positive learning or beneficial learning is an educational approach that positively empowers the child, taking into account his or her development, focusing on the positive elements, and engaging in the most beneficial communication possible., Explained Nadège Larcher, psychologist, useful communication instructor at Tours and co-founder of Learn to Communicate. Getting such an education does not mean giving up on your child. Or is it a magic method that allows you to hear for the first time. Again, because the instructions must be repeated very frequently The baby’s brain is still immature enough to be rational By himself, to control his emotions and to suppress his lust.

In positive or benevolent learning, it is ultimately the method that changes, the way one builds one’s sentence to build a relationship of trust and mutual respect, rather than being forced and controlled by fear. “A “potter” guardian who takes the soil and models it, shapes it with whatever he wants, or a “gardener” guardian who grows his seed, waters his tree, acts as his tutor, we have a choice without pulling. In its trunk so that it does not break “, Picture of a psychologist.

Saying “no” to your child is a necessity

Even if it can be difficult for your child to say “no” and set boundaries in the long run, it remains a necessity. As a parent, you teach her what she can or cannot do in society, what to expect in order to be consistent with others. No, she can’t hurt her classmates when she’s not happy, or she can’t get sweets from the bakery without paying for them … this is the family home where she first learned all these rules.
“No” monitors him and his safety. She can’t touch the stove door or cross the street without holding an adult’s hand …

Instructions, prohibitions, “Nose” contributes to setting a neat structure And right for the child. This framework protects her because she knows that inside her she can thrive in safety, with an adult, her parents, there to take care of things, to take care of her and to make sure she grows well.
The child gradually learns to control his anger, his frustration, and to take others into consideration. He has also learned that he has the right to oppose certain things and to assert himself.
Conversely, a child who grows up with boundless, great freedom, who does not know despair, may become restless and anxious. He may try to go further as everything is allowed to him and may endanger himself.

How do you say “no” when you are positive?

There are various strategies for communicating with your child in a positive way when it is necessary to set limits and / or say “no”.

  • “Yes when”, “Yes later”: Does your child want candy? To reduce “no”, you can answer “yes” after eating, “yes when we get back home” … “a 2 year old child hears an average of” no “every 10 minutes. Sometimes it is possible to say ‘yes’ time Called with a projection “, suggests Nadège Larcher. This strategy makes it possible to partially satisfy his request and limit his frustration when it is not possible for the moment.
  • For Positive Sentences: Positive sentences are easier for a child to understand than negative sentences. This way of speaking is positive. Choose ‘Stay here, please’ instead of ‘No, don’t go there’.
  • Pause: Does your child take his hand to the power outlet? Does he send the ball to the window of the house? Here, too, psychologists suggest replacing “no” with “stop.” This is another less classic way to stop your child from paying too much attention to it. You save “No” for another time.
  • Compromise: He wants to go to school on his own but you still think he is too young? “You can ask for a compromise instead of saying “no” to his desire for autonomy. : “I advise you to leave at the end of the road and I follow you in my eyes”, advises Nadez Larcher.
  • Delay their reply: If you are not sure about the answer you want to give, instead of saying “no” immediately, you can explain to your child that you have listened to their request and you will take time to think about it. That way, if you have to reject his request, you will have time to find a more suitable formulation.
  • Call Non-violent communication : Positive Education Based on Nonviolent Communication (NVC). It goes through 4 stages shortened by the OSBD (Observation, Feelings, Needs, Requests) character: Observe events without judging them. For this situation “I am very scared to know you on a scooter”, their needs related to this situation say “I need to know you are safe”, ask something specific “Can you offer me another safe way to get closer to you? Yours?” This strategy allows the child to understand what this rejection motivates and tries to be proactive in proposing a solution that is appropriate for everyone. So dialogue is always possible.

Finally, don’t feel guilty for saying “no”. “It would be wrong to believe that there is no love in authority. The love between a child and his parents is unconditional. It is important not to get emotionally blackmailed and tell your child that we love him or her and this cannot be questioned. Saying “no” is also proof of love “, Psychologist concludes.

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