What someone told me before I had children

Being a parent is often described as an emotional tide. But how true is that?

Maybe if we hadn’t lived for centuries “The only happiness is having children” And Other really simple readymade phrases And innocent, I won’t be there.

Maybe if the parents I met in my life told me the truth and they didn’t want me to believe it The myth of the perfect motherSometimes despite them, I feel less guilty when I do not screw to bottle a bottle with one hand while operating a machine with the other.

The myth of the perfect mother that gives so much trouble

Since I became a mother (of two children), I realized that there really is something I wasn’t ready for. I worked on my subject while eating a pile of books during my pregnancy, I may have asked for advice (and got nothing), I had no idea what was waiting for me Before the first 3.7 kg roast on your arm.

Can I blame someone? Yes and no. If I can blame those who keep spreading This ridiculous myth of the role model mother, I can also complain a lot about this kind of unintentional amnesia, which forces all those who have already given birth to forget the worst moments of their motherhood or choose the selected paragraphs. This is a way Sustain the species ? Maybe, but hey, it’s not that there weren’t enough of us on earth, there’s no need to get a breeding medal at any cost.

So yeah, I knew I was going to sleep less, I knew I wasn’t going to sleep anymore, I knew it would cost money, and so on.

But there really is something I knew before Become a lifelong parent of children. Concrete things, but not just, and maybe knowledge will help me tell myself that okay, What I feel is normalThis thing is not explicitly stated.

It is hard to love so much

It doesn’t matter if the love for your baby comes as soon as she is in the womb, as soon as she comes out, a week later, 3 months, 6 months or sometimes years later, she is there. This love is so tiring It is demanding, tiring and without the possibility of taking a break.

It can swallow, it can drive you crazy, it can hurt, but it can also bring indescribable and obscene pleasure, from the pride of watching your child eat mashed carrots to the fear of something happening to his gut, and that of love. Cock Suddenly stops.

Loving your child does not mean just loving other people. It is visceral, inherent and brutal. It is as pure as the love you give back Unconditional

Even when my children bother me, force feed me, even when they are annoying, painful, painful, even when I want to be everywhere without themEven when I tell myself, sometimes under the influence of anger, I hate them, I love them so much that it is almost painful.

It’s hard to think so, all the time

Fear comes with love. They are afraid of losing, they are afraid of being abducted, they are afraid of getting sick, Fear that they will die. I don’t think you know how much you can fear the death of someone other than yourself until you have a baby. But maybe I’m wrong, maybe those who don’t have children know what I’m talking about.

It is not a fear that is rational and controlled, it is Such irresistible fear That he can sometimes behave in absolutely irrational ways.

This Constant hypervigilance is tiring, And it doesn’t seem to end. For example, when my daughter is sick, really badly ill, I think I was sick with her. I can’t eat, sleep, think. I constantly think about her condition, I look at her like milk in a fire, I explain her every reaction, celebrate the slight positive evolution of her disease as if she had just won a Pulitzer.

It’s tiring. I can pay a lot of money to get sick in his place, so that he does not have to pass this test and he does not know any trouble. Although I know he has to go through it like everyone else unfortunately, I find myself at times Request to get rid ofThat they leave him in good health, and they attack someone other than him, or above all, they attack me instead.

It’s hard not to be the first choice in your own life anymore

In your life, you can meet people, hang out with them, love them and tell yourself “we can give everything for them”. It’s true, it can happen. Or not, everyone does what they want in their relationships with others.

The problem is, when you have a child, it is true that, in the power of 1,000. Even if you Fight against maternal orderEven if we want to eradicate forever the weighty and false myth of the sacrificial mother, we know that if something serious happens and a choice has to be made so that either my child or I survive, I always put myself in front of them so that they would be relieved.

I can be a feminist, committed, I can try to feel guilty about my known mothers or those for whom I write, I know my life is a second choice. If one day there is a war and the food runs out, they will eat first, it is clear.

And it’s hard. It’s hard because I have the idea that I no longer exist as a mother, and I have divided myself into two more people: my children. I, alone, it really doesn’t exist anymore. I, without Mom, it would never happen again.

So yes, I can have “moments” in everyday life, holidays, weekends, days, hours, where I can only count, where I live only for myself without kids. But these moments are only short breaks.

Sometimes I can feel sorry for the children. When I get tired, I get annoyed when they jump on the door of the house and overwhelm me without giving me time to breathe. When they shout, when they claim, when they forget that I am human too, I want to throw everything away.

Lately my life, metaphor. Credit: Prostock-Studio

However, I love them so much that it is sometimes painful. Is this the dilemma of motherhood? Couldn’t I have been briefed before it sank?

Of course, not everyone has to feel this way. This reflection is personal, but it can speak to others. To me, I used to say all these things before having children. Not sure if this would make a difference, but at least I didn’t go down without explaining myself first.


Read more:

5 reasons for not having children, from someone who (2 times)

Photo Credit Photo: Physcase

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