On her blog Egalimère, a mother of two says how her son once gave her responsibility
Friends who harassed her at school, locked her in the toilet, beat her. He did not defend himself because his parents taught him not to hurt.
We made an appointment with his teacher, explained the situation and clearly explained that from that day on, we allowed Lolu to hit back. […] We reminded our son that he should never hit first and always try to have a dialogue first.
Soline Bourdeverre-Veyssiere, teacher and author I help my child improve in school (Hatiyar) understands the parents’ fear of seeing their child become a target, but suggests another way. Injury causes more aggression back. Dominance, the idea that there must be a winner and a loser remains at the center of the interaction. This is how you start the war.
Five fingers tell its limit
Céline, from Renaissance and the mother of a daughter in CE1, was saddened when her daughter told her that for months, a friend had forced her to sit alone on all the vacation benches:
Because he is so shy and silent that his classmates have chosen to attack him. For Soline Bourdeverre-Veyssiere, it is important for her child to repeat:
No boyfriend has the right to hurt you, disrespect you or force you to do anything.
He advised children to use their five fingers as a reminder to verbally set boundaries: “Thumb: We go to the other side and we ask him if we can talk to him. Indicator: We explain to him what happened that creates a problem. Request: “I want it …” Junior finger: We ask her if she understands. It may seem formal, but the child has learned that she is capable of expressing herself and asserting herself.
Train them at home
To equip her daughter, Celine decides to train her not to say:
At home, we do role-playing sessions, we find sentences to say or answer. I repeat them to him. Sometimes, we laugh at it, it diminishes. Soline Bourdeverre-Veyssiere approves: “You have to train them to look into each other’s eyes, raise their voices, look taller, raise their heads, and shrug their shoulders. And using humor, find verbal feedback. Playing cards Takatattak in retirement Help there. A
We can suggest that the child finds partners. An attacker is more difficult to attack a person surrounded by friends.
And above all, be sure to keep a link with your child so that he or she can be trusted. Often asks open-ended questions, such as “What happened to you today?”.
Warn an adult not to make matters worse
When we advise an abused child to go to an adult without taking the law into their own hands, we encounter two problems: teachers, who are already too busy, ask children to solve their problems within themselves. And insult
wimp Victims are identified by victims as unable to manage on their own. Soline Bourdeverre-Veyssiere distinguishes: if it is a physical or sexual abuse (blow, raised skirt, touch), the child should immediately warn an adult. So that he remembers the rules, prohibitions and breaks the sense of impunity of the attackers.
For the rest, the child may very well meet an adult, parent or teacher, telling them not to intervene directly. But he will be able to be self-confident, listen and ask for keys and advice.