Should we have the same educational principles between parents and grandparents?

Parent model and time

In the eyes of Dr. Patrick Ben Susan, a pediatric psychiatrist at the Paulie-Calmats Institute, nothing is too ordinary – the center for the fight against cancer in Marseille and the author of several books. “In thirty years the world has changed, which has separated parents from their children,” the child psychiatrist noted. The educational models of grandparents and parents may not be the same naturally because they are each characterized by the culture of their time. Thus, there is bound to be a minor disagreement between the two generations over schedule, dress or even screen space. Culture and timeliness remain irresistible, such as the attention, kindness and care that parents and grandparents entice children with. A

Sometimes it is not important to disobey the instructions given by the parents unless the grandchildren are in danger. This little privacy keeps the bond between the two generations.

Genevieve Genati, Clinical Psychologist.

Is it possible and desirable that grandparents follow the same principles as parents? In the Ifop survey, only 15% of parents apply the rules as much as possible, even if they are very strict. In other words, a large minority. “They are usually very happy to have their grandchildren, but if they have too many parental requests in mind, it quickly becomes tiring for them,” said clinical psychologist Genevieve DeGeneres.

Especially since grandparents do not agree with each other. Sometimes it is not important to disobey the instructions given by the parents unless the grandchildren are in danger. If they have not learned to cross the road, then of course there is no question of sending them to fetch bread. This little privacy keeps the bond between the two generations.

According to Patrick Ben Susan, “they weave a” narrative net “between grandparents and great-grandchildren. Hatt. Patrick Ben Susan said, “It’s not that kids will watch a little more TV with grandparents that will change habits at home. It is interesting that they discover ways and means to be other than their parents.

Don’t be too curious

Genevieve DeGeneres even advises parents not to be too curious about staying with grandparents. “We can ask kids if they are happy with their vacation, but the only purpose of finding errors in the instructions is not to question their specific points,” the psychologist noted.

There remains an attitude that is genuinely opposed to the educational values ​​of parents and which should not be hesitated to incite, even if it means inciting conflict, even separation. “There are still issues on which fathers and mothers have the right to be flexible,” said Patrick Ben Susan. For example, grandparents may want to inculcate religious values ​​in their grandchildren. Parents have the right to demand that it be passed on to others as a model, but not as an undisclosed fact if they themselves do not accept it.

My relationship with my grandchildren and their way of life, apart from what I have given to my children, has taught me a lot, admits Patrick Ben Susan. As grandparents, you have discovered that it is possible to educate children in a variety of ways.

Dr. Patrick Ben Susan, Child Psychiatrist.

Who then has the subtle task of putting any difference on the table? “It is recommended that this is the child of the grandparents concerned, Genevieve Geneti recommends. But he must speak on behalf of the couple:” We do not want … “Otherwise, the grandparents took the risk of imagining an attack from the man or woman who With their daughter or their son sharing his life.

These discussions and adjustments can be instructive for grandparents as well, but of course they should not be considered as personal attacks. “My relationship with my grandchildren and the way they live their lives, apart from what I’ve given to my children, has taught me a lot,” admits Patrick Ben Susan. And this, in turn, allows a better tuning in with his own children.

By Christine Lamiable / Le Figaro

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