Who are the guardians of the helicopter, these toxic adults for their children?

They are constantly behind their child and want to control his life to protect him from everything. Across the Atlantic, their nicknames are “Helicopter dad“An educational model that is increasingly questionable. Parents who are overly involved in their children’s education can actually be detrimental to their children. What are the consequences of this extravagant behavior? How much should we invest in schooling, activities and child development?”

What are the parents of a helicopter?

Helicopter parents Extra protective parenting. The term was first used by Haim Zinot, an Israeli psychologist in his book Advice Between parents and adolescentsPublished in 1969. Some have blamed Foster Klein and Jim Feke for creating the term in their parents’ advice book, Parenting with love and reasonFirst published in 1990.

Helicopter Parents refers to parents who are always on the lookout for their kids to see and stimulate them, such as flying a helicopter. “These are the parents who, at the same time, defined” firefighter “,” paramedic “,” healer “, Ann-Lore Buffett, the therapist and the author of the book. Family Prison: Freedom and Healing from Invisible Violence. They are called helicopters because they are “from above”, they “fly” and help their child. Helicopter parents are the parents who will do everything in the child’s place, observe everything, control everything, be in a very big – very big – resistance.

These parents intervene in everything that they consider a physical or social risk, always with the goal that their children do not suffer. “From the first fall to the first bad note, they intervene, often even anticipating, removing all obstacles in their child’s way,” the expert explained. A harmful educational behavior that still starts with a good purpose, since helicopter parents want to make the child’s life easier. “If they make life easier for him, they take away all his analytical skills and all his autonomy,” the therapist noted.

Helicopter father: What are the consequences for the child?

For Anne-Louis Buffett, this hyperparenting Presents risk. “A parent wants to be involved in their child’s life, especially the youngest, to keep them safe and confident, to ensure their well-being and to ensure their good physical, mental and emotional development. This is what we should wish for all our children. But when this involvement is excessive, the child becomes incapacitated, which is necessarily harmful, “he explained.

Excessive protection can lead to emotional dependence on youth. The therapist explains, “The child is in a dependent attachment to the parent, depending on what is really and vaguely always present, no matter what,” the therapist explains. It creates the risk of stress, anxiety, lack of creativity, but above all a great lack of confidence. “The Helicopter is the child of parents Being away from parents can cause great anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy যদি above all, if everything is always done for them, how do you know how to handle it yourself, how do you know how to react to the problem? “The expert asked.

This kind of parenting also has a detrimental effect on school, education and social relationships as a whole. Anne-Louis Buffett explained that Helicopter Guardian Action Don’t really allow child liberation and social integration: “Let’s take an example, on a playground, the child of a helicopter parent can create fear, fear of others. Or, conversely, being too reckless, not calculating any danger and hitting in the end. How to calculate, not to evaluate his environment, he withdraws … or runs in a heap. In both cases, it is considered “difficult”, “isolated”, “fragile” or “terrible”. Ultimately, the parents’ desire to give their child extra protection puts them at social risk.

Helicopter Parents: Risks in Adolescence and Youth

This heavy protection can become more complex during adolescence. Adolescents need to build themselves up and try to separate themselves from the family pattern given to them. Of numbers Extra protective parenting Then they are devastated, because he leaves the path he had found for her. “When he becomes an adult, he may condemn or even reject this guardian who is too present, who may be suffocating and incapacitated,” notes Anne-Lore Buffett. “Parents do not understand who always has the feeling of doing the best for their child. Conflicts over this misunderstanding may arise, until the break, “he continued.

According to the therapist, this emotional dependence maintained by the parents has serious consequences. “These children can be anxious, anxious, dependent adults – and the addictions can be multiple, including risky behaviors. So often they will withdraw from a world that scares them, they may be in constant danger even with unlimited perseverance.”

Why would we be the guardians of the helicopter?

Different reasons can be parents Falls into hyperparing, Note on-lor buffet. First, the repetition of a family model. “This need inevitably comes from those they know themselves: a abused childhood, missing parents, permanent worries, abandonment worries that they don’t want to repeat,” he explains. Their children will suffer from the fear that they themselves have suffered.

Society’s pressure on education and parenting has something to do with this phenomenon, often leading parents to think that what happens to their child is a direct consequence of their actions. Helicopter parents allow themselves to be guided by this race for success, “social and personal concerns, the need to be a ‘perfect’ parent who does not risk criticism or reprimand, but also fears new dangers that they do not know how to deal with.” -Lorre Buffett explains.

Excessive parental investment not only harms children, but also parents who experience a great deal of anxiety and stress. These effects have negative consequences for their children, who may accept this anxiety and be overwhelmed by it.

Becoming aware of this harmful behavior is already a step towards finding a solution. Helicopter parents must question their relationship with the external environment and let their child catch the world. “Of course there’s no question of putting him in danger, but you have to talk to him, explain to him, let him be wrong, not be overly secure,” Ann-Lour Buffett confirmed. “A parent must be able to pass on his knowledge to his child, but not prevent him from growing up and learning to live.”

Getting help and advice is therefore essential, as well as working on what it animates The behavior of the parents of the helicopter“What are the symptoms of pain or deprivation? Do parents benefit from this behavior? Isn’t it limited to her being always extra protective? And what does she expect from her child?” Invite the therapist to ask yourself: An often tedious psychological journey that can hardly be accomplished without the help of a professional.

For the sake of his child, the helicopter guardian must give him enough confidence so that he can go to the outside world and fly on his own. “Let’s not forget that a parent must be in control and set boundaries. Sometimes you have to ask yourself before even asking the kids, ”the therapist concludes.

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