Remy, in his early forties, shirtless, blonde locks and clean-shaven, was a tempting instructor for three years in Paris. “Makeover, workshop Street sessionOnline advice … ” When he gives the details of his training, the scent of his cologne attacks the lobby of the luxury hotel in Montmartre where we are. Her client? “Boys who break up because of engineers, geeks, divorces or breakups, between the ages of 18 and 50.”
Dozens are practicing this profession in France Love trainer, Mostly in the capital. On the Internet, nickname parades: “Mike, flirt in Paris”, “Wolf, expert in seduction”, “Logan seduction”, “Leo the Phylogeny” (“Leo who loves women” so). Everyone offers coaching for older men, “Socially and romantically isolated”, According to Emily Deletra, is an instructor of temptation and personal development. Flirting on the street, sexual counseling, perfecting your virtual feathers in a dating app: there is something for everyone.
The road as a hunting ground
“In general, coaches are very masculine. It is always: the man is the hunter, the woman is his prey. Victims are taught everything they will be able to reap ”, Comments Katherine Grenzard, Psychoanalyst. There is nothing better than to complete the picture of the victim Street session During which participants become asphalt surveyors. The city then became the playground and sidewalk of these strollers, a place of all possibilities, a place where pedestrians clicked on the heel stones.
But can street flirting be like harassment, when it has been punished by law since 2018? “My clients have never approached a girl who calls her a dirty whore. That is aggression. “Protects Remy.
Xavier contacted the coach in February 2020 for a workshop Street session. After spending several years abroad, breaking up and returning to France, she was unmarried for more than a year and could not build a long-term relationship. She subscribed to a training course for 489 euros which included a luncheon with Remy, the latter of which explained to her her views on sex, gaining confidence and accepting the rejection of others and then five hours of street flirting.
“In the beginning, I just asked the passers-by for directions, addresses. Then I had to go to them with short phrases like ‘I like your style’ and get the number. ” A final strategy? Not really. “I got about ten numbers, but many were wrong or my messages were not answered. However, it has taught me to gain confidence and today I am full in my relationship as a couple.
Theo *, 19, a member of Phylogenes, made a similar observation for an individual group: “Today, when I have a girl of my choice, I go straight there. I don’t ask myself any more questions. I’ve met some great people. “ Personalized follow-ups are also offered to help clients see their romantic relationship more clearly: “I analyze the text message exchange or I suggest my student help him resolve a dispute, for example”Louis * says, the coach of Paris.
In addition to the approach strategy, how to crack them all? Clearly, we must move away from the “ideal” patternNice guy Bobby6, attentive gentleman who gives flowers on the first date. Because, according to Louis, “Women like donkeys. Asol Alpha excites male radar [l’archétype de l’homme viril, ndlr] Women like influential men. “
Books by Aline Soral and Neil Strauss as the Bible
These tempting trainers have developed a philosophy of love in their own right. Their reference: The gameAmerican journalist Neil Strauss and The sociology of a flirt, By the ultra-right essay Aline Soral. Two popular psychology books written in the 2000s, which have become the Bible for these men looking for relationships. “How to seduce beautiful women even if you are shy, awkward and uncomfortable.”Alexis * explained, coach in temptation.
If Strauss’s book offers a concrete approach to temptation – like this “Push and pull”, “It’s a manipulative way to annoy others and make them dependent on the attention we give them and we can withdraw at any time.”, Explains to a reader – that Soral is more theoretical. Sexualist nuggets, generalizations and classifications of women are frequent. Example: “Dog: She bargains for a useful diaper, doesn’t know how to pay. Flirt looks for bitches to rediscover the joy of punishment. Maid: She gives, she’s mysterious and submissive.”
Behind this work, the same thought: the desire to differentiate between men and women. “Men who go back to coaches are looking for advice on how to be tempted, how to get to the fairer sex. For women, they prefer coaching dedicated to long-term relationships, commitment.Nasrin Devlov says she has been the women’s coach for a year.
An opinion shared by Remy, whose details are: “I believe that Freud said, ‘After so many years, I still don’t know what women want.’ [La citation du psychologue est en fait: “Après trente ans passés à étudier la psychologie féminine, je n’ai toujours pas trouvé de réponse à la grande question: que veulent-elles au juste?”, ndlr] Well I, I know. They want to have children and start a family. “ In short: men from Mars and women from Venus.
Is temptation an accurate science? Either way, it doesn’t require training to do your business. Nesrin, who tries to legitimize his activity, explains“In France, coach titles are not regulated”.
“Anyone can claim this title. I, I still have a training in NLP [programmation neurolinguistique: un ensemble de techniques fondées sur l’étude des comportements, ndlr]A, He continues. But for Veronica Cordiola, founder of the first French School of Seduction and Sex Therapist, “A trainer who doesn’t shrink is not serious.” He further noted that he himself, despite his experience, Always working with a psychologist.
Advice not to be charged with sexual harassment and rape
In the public forum of the French Touch Seduction, the trend, instead of restoring its masculinity: “How about a good man, masculine, when not surrounded by a strong masculine presence?”Especially wonderful FK, 38 years old.
Every Tuesday, 300 members of the highly private Philogenesis Club created by Leo – to join, you need to answer a detailed question and pay a 20 euro subscription per month – are invited to visit a messaging platform called Discord to discuss. Failure to love and date.
Tips exchanged during this meeting range from general counseling to caution in rape allegations: “Never admit or admit that there could be a rape. And above all, you have to joke, joke, joke. Because if there is no evidence and it goes to trial, it will be based on charisma and you have to be more confident than a crying girl.One member said.
Insults and sexist comments force: “Did you order a sucking dog, shaking the dog off?”, Can we read in particular as a response to the testimony of a man who wonders why a woman does not want to have sex with him frequently. Another example: for the question “From how many partners is a woman a dog?”One participant responds “Among them”.
Catherine Grenzard explains the need for men to be grouped so that men talk less about their personal lives than women. Furthermore, where women promote their femininity through women’s magazines, there will be a lack of role models to identify men: “Talking about the pain in your heart, asking boys about sex is not masculine, Indicates the psychoanalyst. Women are educated to talk about intimacy, because we were confined to our homes. The men went to Agora to talk about politics, but it is not in Agora that we discuss Kunilings.
Assumed market crisis
According to trainers, the temptation market is in crisis. In their view, a common enemy: feminism, which would be “Too far gone because it has created an imbalance in the gender relationship”According to sociologist and author Melanie Goraria Encourage women to compliment each other between alpha male-male. Flirt was good before, Remy regrets: “Ten years ago, at the Saint-Michel in Paris, about thirty boys and girls were trying their luck. Today, street travel is plagued by feminism and social distance.
The men participating in this discussion are also surprised at the consequences of #MeToo for temptation. Rominos, 25, a member of the French Touch Seduction and has claimed since being banned from the forum that “To flirt, you have to get dirty, you don’t have to limit yourself, you have to get rid of guilt, [que] Real that flirts[il connaît] They are real bastards. ”
Word that the group administrator is in the mood for: “At least intelligent people understand that you don’t have a satisfying encounter with manipulation and harassment techniques, especially when harassment is less and less tolerated.”
In online forums and training courses offered by trainers, suggestions are being submitted. Love does not wait and can be found around the corner. If the number given by the attractive young lady is not wrong … In this case, the search continues.
* Name has been changed