Welcome to families where sex is forbidden

For the intimacy of children and the teaching of their rights, for the representation of all directions, for a free, pleasurable and always consensual sex, Konbini is committed to sex education.

You have already seen Bet ? Film where two friends quit smoking and want to sing every morning “Tobacco is forbidden! We will all get rid of it!”. Well, with us, it’s a little bit the same thing. But instead of tobacco, it feet into the air. And if they are in the air, it is not to hold water.

Sex does not exist in some families. And there, we’re not talking about gender, identity or sexual orientation. Because if we don’t talk about sex, we rarely go to such discussions. There, we are talking about the act, the meat which is combined only one (or two or three, who knows?) And which follows. And all that, orgasm from initiation, is forbidden.

“We don’t make sex jokes at the table. Or less than that in the hallway, in the kitchen or in the bathroom. And if it’s on TV, we all have something to do on the terrace ourselves.”

We don’t talk about sex and often we don’t really know why it’s forbidden. There is no need to even take action “Here, in this house, under my roof, we don’t talk about sex.”. It’s obvious. Like a reflex. For example, when you fall, extend your hand to protect yourself from the ground. We know it, that’s all.

We see nothing, hear nothing, say nothing. And the sexual act begins when one is confronted with it. Of course, it is better if it is after marriage. Moreover, in some rituals, the women of the family (often aunts) take the bride aside and explain the basics to her before her wedding night. And we pass within a moment of permission from the ban. When it comes to looking at things this way, sex is a job for married people. Then why talk about it first?

To find out

To know, to know what happens when you start a sex act. Learn how it can happen, how it can’t happen and what can happen if you are not careful. Often in a universe where sex is only present at some point in life, other aspects of it do not exist. Or to disappear. Such as sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies or sexual harassment, outside and inside the family.

But why aren’t we talking about sex in this house?

We went to interview the concerned key people and of course, the first name was changed. Because it means not talking about sex at home “Don’t complain, neither his parents, nor their educational preferences.”. Not for everyone, of course, but for those we interviewed.

For Legion *, 22, not talking about sex at home means a lack of real sex education: “I learned everything on the fly, made mistakes, a lot of them, and never got back to anyone. I think the first (and only) time when I really talked about sex at home was the day my mom found out I did. I did it for the first time. I have a vivid memory of him throwing his head at me in disgust and saying, ‘What ??? a boy ??? But does it work for you or what ??????’ I’m watching the fly! “

“‘It puts you down’ made me feel bad. Insulted, I was ashamed of my sexual desire, and it followed me for a long time.” – Legion

Just because we don’t talk about sex doesn’t mean we don’t think about it. In spite of everything, we question ourselves about our body and its sensations. And what you feel can be scary, especially when you don’t know what you’re going through.

Yara *, 27, really didn’t give any advice. Or prohibitions, in addition. “We don’t talk about it at all, but because of our origins and religion, it’s clear I shouldn’t go in this case! Honestly, not talking to them about it didn’t bother me more than that. But I hope it’s so much. Wouldn’t have been forbidden and monstrous, if I had a question, to create a safe place!

And if there is a question, where do we go?

Because when one is forbidden to have sex with one’s parents, it is often considered that it is also forbidden with one’s siblings and loved ones. And school rarely helps. Because we are shy, because we are uncomfortable and we are not used to it. So when you still find someone confident, it’s an oasis.

Chris *, 25, explained this to us:

“My mother always told me to take care of my body, it’s a temple of God. So we never talked about sex. Except for the day I drew my body trunk.” A blender. And my mother found it very. Consultative. But with my sisters. “We talk about everything. The basics.”

Damien *, 33, understands that talking about sex is forbidden: “Sex is intimate. We should only talk about it with the person concerned. I would never feel comfortable talking about it with my parents. But it is true that I want my children to feel comfortable with me enough to question me. .I think it’s education. “

Yara talks about origin and religion. And even if family taboos around sex seem to pervade the four corners of the planet and are found in all kinds of homes, the way our parents grew up plays a big role. And religion, culture and background have a clear effect on our upbringing. So, it seems natural that we associate them with our view of sexuality.

So we asked people what would be their solution to have a healthy discussion about sex in their home. And most think it’s too late to start that path with their parents. But they will try to do better. And to talk. While this is not the easiest thing to do, it is extremely useful. Because from the question of sexual flow to sexual identity or even much more, including the way a person defines himself.

So, let’s dare to talk about hips and love stories.

* The names of the people quoted have been changed.

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