Choosing a dead loved one’s first name for their child (or not): What effect?

Before choosing the name of your unborn baby, ask yourself 1001 questions. Except in the case of the actual shared crash, it is often debated between future parents. Sometimes it happens that we Finally choose the first name of the loved one, A family member, dead or not. Why do we give our child a first name already responsible in the family? And what effect can this have on him? Point with Claire Taberley-Perrin, co-author of L’Officiel des Prénoms 2022 (first edition) and first name expert and author of the book “First Name Trauma” Fran ফ্রois Bonifix.

Why choose the first name of a loved one for their future baby?

Explained by Claire Tabarly-Perin

The question of family heritage

“In the past, children had the first name of the godfather or godmother and the second and third first names, the grandparents’ names.” In medieval society, the choice of the first name reflects the desire to belong to the community and to identify the continuity of lineage. So it was not uncommon to find the same first name at that time Carried from father to son, and not only in aristocratic families! In the Latin kingdoms of the East, for example, the count of Tripoli is called Raymond, the prince of Antioch Bohemond, the king of Jerusalem, Baudoin.

First name as family identity

There was a time, not so long ago, when a baby was given The first name of his brother or sister who was still born or died at a young age. The basic idea is not to make the child carry a weight or guilt, but to include it in the concept of destiny that transcends it in a certain way, the purpose.Maintaining memory.

Trendy retro baby name

The old first names, our ancestors, are fashionable in 2022, but they go back 4 generations. Jules, Joseph, Adele … the first names of our grandparents, tempt today’s parents. And if they have a beautiful story or fortune that is especially valuable in the family, they immediately get back more brilliance!

Given the first name of your child’s deceased family member, what is the effect?

Several hereditary researchers, such as Anne Anselin Schutzenberger, author of the book “Ouch, My Ants”, have proven that wounds and bruises can be passed down from generation to generation, sometimes in secret. In addition, Greek tragedies have told us over 2500 years how past dramas, errors and injustices weigh on repairing or reviving them on the next generation! In families like the history of the country, the past compromises with the future. In this context, The first name already carried by a rider with a tragic destiny should be avoided. There is no need to go back to the Middle Ages, but reading a quick family tree with a great-aunt, for example, can provide information about his ancestors that may have influenced the child’s first name choice “, concludes Claire Taberley-Perin.

Decryption of François Bonifaix, first name expert

For Franোয়াois BonifixPsychoanalyst and author of the book “The Trauma of the First Name”, here are 2 very unique cases Necromania (Which is the occurrence of mentioning one’s child, a first name, or the name of a deceased person).

An unconscious neurosis, choosing a first name because of unfinished mourning

“I’ve got counseling and on several occasions that parents haven’t found an explanation for their baby’s nocturnal crying. The endless crying, which comes back every night, at the age of 3 or 4 months. After a little digging, they admitted to me that they had their first child. , Sudden infant death syndrome or other causes. “We named our first child our second child” sometimes identical, sometimes feminine or masculine if the sex is different. Unconsciously, these parents raise their child in a way that they did not have. And obviously, the baby feels it.This cry, which happens every night, is a way to reassure his parents: “It’s okay, don’t worry, I’m alive. And yet, it is not her role to reassure parents who cannot bear such a burden that the child realizes the message “even before you were born and survived, you are already dead”. She cannot be the child herself, she is the extension of a dead child. And so it is It is difficult for him to name his first name. Some do, but at what price? Parents can stop crying if they succeed in reassuring their child: “We know you’re fine and you won’t die.” These children, I take turns taking them to my office, once teenagers, sometimes adults. And unfortunately, the loss already has time to settle. There is nothing to do with letting your unconscious and your emotions speak, even if there is no privacy in the family, it is a French and human tradition.

Choose a name of honor

That grandfather was beautiful, handsome and strong …. it would have been one It is a matter of tradition, Less now, but it is not uncommon for families to find the same first names, even if they avoid generation. There’s one The desire to prolong life, A lineage, to perpetuate the memory. Death is not just physical, being dead means when you have forgotten. It’s a beautiful tribute, but one that charges the child with the dead person’s experiences, feelings, emotions. It is less when the person survives. This notion of respect for the first name gives a pose Burden for the child : If his grandfather had been a great resistance fighter, he would have said to himself all his life, “I must be someone too.” But to be someone one has to be “his son and grandson” or himself? Naturally, parents fill their unborn child with imagination, planning and success. Choosing a first name for him, they already load him with a full backpack!

The child must fit his first name in a certain way, so that it becomes a kind of signature in itself. This requires communication, parental education. It’s important that they talk to their child or not, “he said.Because I gave you the name, you are, but you have the right to exist as you and not as the “image”.

Name of honor as 2nd or 3rd first name

This is the solution! Choosing a second, third (or more), first name for your child allows to extend life, they are added to the child’s first name without extra weight. These are often used for this! “

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