Emotional burden between couples: How to share?

Mental work stress can affect many areas of our lives, including couples. It is specially illustrated that one has to think about everything and manage everything for everyone in the family. Counsel from Morgane Catoire, Therapist and Couples Mediator.

What is the emotional load in the couple?

Researcher Nicole Bryce defines stress “A task of management, organization and planning that is simultaneously elusive, inevitable and constant, And whose goal Meeting everyone’s needs And the smooth running of the dwelling ”. In couples, it manifests itself, among other things, by Unequal management of domestic and parental tasks. “This intellectual and cognitive work will also cover social work such as administrative work and maintaining relationships with family and friends. Between the couple, there is the question of maintaining the romantic relationship itself and all its consequences To create intimacy And from the condition of temptation to the management of contraception“Morgan completes the catwalk. If she doesn’t let anyone down, in this context, she affects women in particular and as a couple, it’s hard to live with her delivery.”When we tell ourselves that we do not make them partners in our lives together, when this mental occupation prevents us from being available for other activities, especially professional activities, The weight of the emotional load becomes problematic on an individual basis and on a relational basis.

It was as if women were still expected to maintain their traditional roles as good wives, housewives and good mothers.

When we talk about emotional load in the context, what is highlighted is the emotional stress of women Who combine personal and professional life. “Traditionally in France, In marriage, women are responsible for the house and the child, And this distribution is still very present in social representation. At the same time, the unification of women in the work world, their unification of men in equivalent positions within the company is something recent in French history. It is only in the post-war period, it is only 2 or 3 generations of women“For that therapist, the couple’s load came from it,” Morgan Katowar explained.It was as if women were still expected to maintain their traditional roles as good wives, housewives and good mothers, while being compared and competing with men in the company. At home or at work, women are stressed in three “places” of their identity (Wife / mother / worker) And conflicting orders “. This should not beAt least let’s not forget that men carry other kinds of emotional burdens. “Society expects them Performing in the workplace to ensure their role as a security provider With their families. They are not subject Social stress “That” in that place. Because their position in the workplace then represents a much bigger challenge It shapes their social status and their family status

What are the consequences of emotional load in the couple?

If the couple does not find a place for deep enough discussion or a compensatory strategy, the path of separation seems quite inevitable.

In a couple, stress is created Feelings of injustice. “The words I hear on the faces of women like men are: “He / she doesn’t understand all my efforts” Morgan Katwar explains. The pair specify the mediator Misunderstandings and conflicts then begin And, if the couple does not find a place for deep enough discussion or compensatory strategy, the path to separation seems quite inevitable.

To properly share the emotional burden, the most effective strategy is to take time together to define what can be expected from the couple. One of the keys to communication! “This means first of all verifying that the emotion of love still exists, and then Take the “very heavy” points of the relationship one by one. Asking each other: What are we going through? What do we want to live instead? What can be changed immediately? What takes a little longer to change?“Recommends professionals. It’s also good to share the emotional burden.”Allow yourself to consider that the romantic relationship we have only worries us and society looks at our organization“Exploring different ways of working and getting feedback is a solution.

No casualties! Stress can increase, especially in couples Reduce In two ways for the therapist. Formed first Work and necessary thought distribution questions These tasks are done in order to reduce tension for their planning. The second strategy is Agree to assign specific tasks to a nanny, doorman or housekeeper, If it is financially possible. There are two downsides to this, Morgan Katwar warns. “In addition to the financial aspects, it still needs to be planned Identify needs and plan the distribution of these tasks. It does not disappear, yet it does reduce the couple’s emotional burden.

Thanks to Morgan Katwar, the therapist and the couple mediator.

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