Our child has left home, what to do with him?

“I was sad to see my daughter throw everything away without mercy”, Irene, 68

“Recently, I had to sell my house to live in a small apartment. It had to be vacated and I found all the belongings of my daughter, now 35 years old. I kept her room intact since kindergarten and kept everything! Her drawings, her Mother’s Day gifts, her toys, her high school and preparatory classes… I told her to come and what she wanted to keep and take. I was very sorry that he had ruthlessly thrown away all my small savings. ” Irene, 68 years old

A What our experts say:

We can tend to transform the homes of children left in a real graveAs if to maintain their presence with us, for a while longer … “You will be able to tell yourself that they are just going through the parents’ house. It is their job to leave it and build their own home! Therefore, keeping their house and everything in it intact does not really lead to life, “notes Patrick Avren, psychoanalyst and author of” Houses. “

So nothing prevents us from investing their old house in new decor as our own space. – A 30-year-old doesn’t particularly appreciate finding his 15-year-old unchanged decor! – Even if it means keeping a few trinkets and photos that he had. And when kids start to pick things up on their own, that’s a good sign. ” , They have raised their children well! ” Martin Telak, psychologist and author, smiled “I say stop those who ruin my life!” (Ed. Leduc).

Read more: Empty Nest Syndrome, How to Overcome It

“I took a box straight to my son”, Ilian, 67

“Since my son didn’t come to collect his belongings five years after he left home, I went out to sort things out on my own. Packed in all the boxes and taken straight to his house. He had no choice but to take care of it. ” Alien, 67 years old

A What our experts say:

If some parents are not comfortable with the idea of ​​threatening to clean the slate, they may opt for a softer approach.. “Instead of waiting for the catastrophe, it was better for this mother to take the bull by the horns! With great cunning, she came to her son’s house and said to him symbolically: You have your own place to stay now, so I’m giving you back! Freedom “, decrypted by Martin Telac.

Was it wise to pick a few souvenirs that he was particularly careful of? “Why not, but if she informs her son and asks him if he sees no problem. For example, this mother wanted to keep pictures of her son’s evolution. Clichés? If it does, her wishes must be respected because it is her story, “Patrick Avron warns.

Read more: Help, I’m being a mother-in-law!

“My kids came to sort their things together”, Muriel, 63

“A few months ago, I invited my three children home for Pick Day. I prepared each of them in a box full of household items. They unpack everything in the living room and pick it up together. They reminded me of many childhood memories, exchanged things and laughed a lot. It was a really beautiful moment, full of emotion and rediscovered complexity. “Muriel, 63

A What our experts say:

What a wonderful initiative, perhaps the most satisfying solution to this problem! Everyone is benefiting. Parents, because they will eventually find a place and no longer feel overwhelmed. Brothers and sisters, because they will offer themselves a little returning and joyful journey in childhood.

“For these young adults, this is a great opportunity to rethink their recent past in order to choose important things. Which has identified them and they want to take them home to continue writing their stories. Everyone will be prosperous and strong “, explains Martin Telak. They will remember this happy day for a long time. And when, many years later, their parents’ home will have to be emptied, this time surely after their death, this pure memory will carry them and give them peace in a painful moment.“, Patrick Avron proceeded.

Read more: 7 Tips for a Successful Garage Sale

“If they don’t make up their minds, I’ll throw everything away!”, Said Henry, 71

“We are tired of being overwhelmed with our children’s belongings! Despite our repeated requests to come to them and collect them, they do not move… yet they now live in comfortable apartments. We have the idea that they take our house. The warehouse and that However, they have little to do with what they have left in our place. If they don’t mind, I’ll throw everything away! “, Henry, 71 Isn’t it? A little unprepared to ignore the repeated requests of their parents on behalf of these young people? “Yes, it even limits selfishness because their house is not a furniture store! Henry, 71 years old

A What our experts say:

Parents have the right to wish for more space for themselves and for their personal activities in their own home. These kids who leave their footprints everywhere – somewhat like animals mark its territory! – Will it be difficult for them to accept that their father and mother have a different life after they leave? We can question ourselves … “, points out Martin Telak.

If this father’s threat to throw everything away seems at first glance quite radical, it would at least qualify him to act as an electroshock.. “He will put the children in front of their responsibilities and remind them that from now on they have become adults and they must act that way. Even if they don’t really want to go back to their childhood, the thing is, this is their responsibility and Can’t escape, “Patrick Avren insisted.

Read more: In leisure, should we keep our peslip?

“I don’t want to impose on my children what I did,” said Elizabeth, 72

“I’m lucky to have a big house that allows me to keep everything the kids have left when they leave. I have no desire to get rid of it. After all, I don’t want to impose on them what I do myself. Experienced: My leaving. A year later, My mother did a ‘big clean’. Specifically, he sold all my vinyl records to a second-hand dealer and I haven’t recovered yet!“Elizabeth, 72 years old

A What our experts say:

The rush to get kids to move things, even when they haven’t yet settled into real life, is really very violent. “It could be an unconscious revenge, no doubt directed at the hardship of leaving one of his family members when the parents weren’t ready for it. You wanted to leave, too bad for you, I’m throwing away most of what you cared for!” Martin Telak analyzes.

So let’s give our kids a little respite before they demand to vacate the premises.. And if we have rooms, and their objects don’t occupy our living space, let’s try to understand why they want to keep our comic box or this little electric train at home. “Perhaps they have the idea of ​​passing these objects on to their own unborn children and they consider their parents as the official guardians of this family infection,” he continued. A role we cannot refuse to play them!

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