5 keys to more positive learning

Until adolescence, the child experiences emotional roller coasters on a daily basis. How best is it to support? Psychologist in Bordeaux, a specialist in child and adolescent development as well as parental support, Montero has trained in positive psychology in Mathilde. It shows the way to empathy, which does not prevent self-assurance as a parent or the establishment of a structure.

1. Change the attitude of your parents

We have all inherited this traditional education that more or less consciously judges the crooked child, for which it needs to be straightened out again. This assumption entails an ascending relationship, an dominant one and a dominance. It has reflective punishment and often degrades in power struggles with winners and losers, which annoys the latter. Positive education invites radical change in attitudes towards relationships with the child. It offers a better understanding of how it works, thanks to the discovery of neuroscience. These have shown that the brain matures only at the age of 25 years.

A parent is a tutor on whom the child can lean, take root, grow and express. This is a model that children will follow naturally, by the effect of the mirror. There is no point in yelling at your child to silence him or hitting him for punishing him for his clumsiness. However, this automation is sometimes anchored in us.

Positive learning sees difficulties as an opportunity to learn through dialogue and the establishment of tools. A beneficial education focuses on the strengths of each child and allows him to gain understanding, autonomy and responsibility in the world. We tend to surround children in a cocoon. However, they aspire to learn new skills so that it seems that their personal contribution is counted.

2. Be firm

This attention to the child does not mean completely forgetting yourself, on the contrary! To instill self-esteem, which is fundamental, we need to start with respect for ourselves. It means being aware of one’s worth, being able to express one’s emotions and needs clearly. For some, in order to fully accept themselves, to work on their limited beliefs, they need to re-read what they themselves have learned, work to decide what to keep.

I want to clarify one ambiguity: being caring parents does not mean that we will no longer feel angry or sad. The child knows very well, who is an emotional sponge! Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT aint for me either. “The bubble you broke was very precious to me, I am very sorry. A You will then help your child find a repair solution. Our strong emotions are often associated with our values. Find what makes you cry and you will identify them: justice, solidarity, truth, respect …

Living in harmony with them allows us to live in greater peace and harmony. You will become more aware of your educational expectations. These are not always shared by your spouse and the source of the misunderstanding, not even the excitement: one will be more sensitive to the order, the other to the service provided. Together, it will be a question of getting to know each other better and setting common values ​​for sharing as a family.

3. Be sure to define a secure framework

I emphasize this point, because positive learning is often mistakenly equated with relaxation. In reality, it invites us to provide a necessary structure for living well together. Rules and restrictions help protect the child and give him a progressive understanding of his environment. He needs to know what to expect from him, what to respect. To hold him accountable, it is interesting to associate him with the definition of house rules as well as the determination of the prohibitions that will be imposed. This structure develops over time.

He must be in his teens. Many parents believe that their role is over, when the young person needs to be supported, encouraged, to stay with the ups and downs they are going through. But the rules will be more co-constructed, as his brain will mature, enabling him to self-discipline, making him aware of the consequences of his actions. Positive discipline prefers prohibition to punishment.

The latter has nothing to do directly with the child’s behavior, they insult him and do not play an educational role. Approval is a logical consequence that allows for compensation. The purpose is to make the child responsible. It must adapt to the child’s age, his abilities and the severity of the situation. Throwing a glass of water until the age of 7 or 8 is a very common inexperience, because the child still does not fully adjust his movements. So I would just ask him to wipe the water off the table.

4. Develop realism and generosity

It is important to consider the stage of development of the child. Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations. Ignorantly, we blame it on purpose that it is not yet in a position to stay. I have heard of a child or toddler who “behaves violently” when the immaturity of his developing brain prevents such manipulation. His anger is merely an emotional outburst; This is an expression of need.

In the same consciousness, a 2-year-old child cannot “lie,” since he makes no connection between what he says and reality; Awareness of the consequences of one’s actions develops from the age of 5 years. If you need to breathe, it would be utopian to expect a 3-year-old to occupy himself for an hour. Tell him, “Shut up! It doesn’t help him. Instead, indicate” how “: “I’m going to rest. At this point, are you going to play: with cubes or puzzles?”

A child begins to gradually become self-regulating at the age of 4 or 5 years. Visual tools like timers help him project himself while waiting. How to respond to a crisis? A child that screams, claps, rolls on the ground, feels internal pressure. Her brain is suffering from a hormonal imbalance that prevents her from reasoning. Only a sympathetic attitude teaches him to control his emotions: we put ourselves at his height, look him in the eye, we can smile at him, we can hug him, we can hold him physically, we can talk to him gently. Then, once reassured and calm, he will be able to think with us about the reasons for his attitude and possible solutions.

5. Must be available

It’s a challenge for today, our agendas are so full … but a baby, in essence, needs a great daily routine for attention, and he’ll show it even more because he’s spent the day so far away from you. When I return home from school, I often get tired. The source of her affection is a breeding ground for dryness, frustration, anger, or crying… however, when a baby is aroused, we are tempted to isolate him in order to return to calm. But the opposite should be done! It is precisely there that she needs to be given more love, hugs and sweetness.

He needs attention, to talk, to listen to music, sometimes just to watch the game. When oxytocin, the hormone of love and attachment, is secreted, his mental brain calms down. Make sure her love tank is always full! I advise parents to schedule a week – and ideally every day – a standard moment of ten to thirty minutes, without the screen, the telephone silent, fully available to itself. This privileged time means to the child: 73099 Oxytocin is essential for every person to feel well and promote a good mood at home! Time flies, and creating a “safe” link is a lifelong legacy.

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