Appreciate your child’s work, encourage his discoveries, tell him stories, try to understand his cries or allay his fears. If you are a parent, you probably have all these qualities.
But did you know that it’s about parenting skills? Because yes, on a daily basis, you adopt a favorable attitude and behavior for the development of your child. And that’s already a lot!
The problem is that our – very critical – society sometimes makes parents doubt their educational qualifications. We forget to congratulate them for everything they already know how to do.
“The vast majority already know how to give their kids the things they need: safety, affection, learning to be independent and acquiring values …. I wanted to write a book to put some ointment on their hearts because they sometimes claim themselves too much.
In his new book Parents, you have skills! (Larousse version, price: 16.95 euros), Dr. Corinne Rohrig, family therapist, offers advice, examples and parenting exercises so they can identify and strengthen their skills. One thing he knows perfectly well.
A pioneer in the development of programs to increase psychosocial skills and self-esteem, Corinne Rohrig has created and piloted the Family and Parenting Support Program (PSFP) in France.
Why is this theme a book?
We are very interested in the welfare of the child but very little in the case of parents. But it is very important to consider the family as a whole. A person is affected – by the way he lives – both by himself and by others. To play their role well, parents also need generosity and good behavior and help them to have faith in themselves. No parent is perfect and they have the right to make mistakes. It is also important to tell them that they have parenting skills, meaning they already have a parenting practice and the ability to be a good parent.
Why are parents so demanding of themselves?
Because we have very few children. Today, we consider them as precious metals: we want to give them the best environment and the best education. There are also studies that allow us to better understand their needs. For example, we now know that generosity works much better than authoritarianism.
Which of the many parenting practices is really essential?
Pay attention and love to your child. It is also a concept developed in attachment theory. The principle of this innate need is that a young child – above all – must develop an emotional relationship with at least one person to take care of him. It is essential for normal social and emotional development. When a baby cries and a mother takes him in her arms, she says to herself: “I am important to my mother and that means I am important, menstruating”. Communication and emotion management are also essential. At all ages.
How to identify its qualities?
It can be very helpful for a parent to make a list of their skills such as: “I know how to listen and talk to my child”, “I know how to play with him and pay attention to him” … important things Is that the parents believe in themselves. If she has a good sense of skill, she will develop good habits and a peaceful relationship with her child.
When there is anger in a child, sometimes it is difficult to do the best.
Sure. We have to give ourselves the same enjoyment as we give our children. We have the right to be broken, to cry and to get help. For a long time, there was the idea in France that we should not give parents a solution. It was their business to find them. However, they sometimes need to acquire some strategy. This does not mean that they are sucking, they just have to learn.
Do you have a concrete case that may require learning?
I think about communication. It’s not always obvious and needs to be worked on. When a teenager refuses to talk, you should avoid questioning him, but try to communicate by talking about yourself, his day, and his activities. The child needs to be considered a legitimate conversation.